SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO
"necessity is a great motivation." - ed
and because i don't feel the NEED for me to take picture, therefore, i'm not motivated. this is what happens when you are set in a comfort zone. i'm not exactly at the fork of the road, but i've been thinking a lot (or too much) lately about how/who/when/what to photograph to update my portfolio or put myself out as a photographer. maybe once again i put all the pressure upon myself, but i don't know how to get started to shoot.
went for an interview with a client to discuss about possible projects to photograph and showed my portfolio and archphoto portfolio. have already sent a cost proposal and thought everything was going well. talked to the client on the phone before i left for zurich and was all ready to start on it when i came back. but since i came back, have been leaving messages, but no phone call from him. finally was able to talk to him on the phone, and he said that he hasn't make a decision yet, as he talked to two other photographers. **POW**
i understand is a matter of practicing, trial and error for client meeting. but man! how i wish that my photoshop skills can apply to how i represent myself! i don't have to say anything and all i have to do it's just show before and after and say: "see i can do this." lack of confidence is always my weakness. maybe also because of the fact that i'm part of archphoto, but not exactly there at that level. the reputation is too big for me. i don't want to ruin it. thinking back and forth what i should do.
i definitely have no intention to go, but if i want to be a photographer and not afraid about ruin other people's reputation i might be better off starting from scratch. but can i do it, that's the question. do i really need to do it and is it necessary? it's just super bitter that this guy graduated the same time as me, and started to see his work on the web and magazine... *sigh*
20070917
20070912
20070910
BURNT
Busy busy busy! What else i can say? Basically my life consist of work at the moment. Even though Von and I are doing things on a regular basis (i.e. concerts at the park, saw Feist and Damien Rice, going to see Les Mis, and Fall for Dance) fun activities. But damn it I am so burnt out! I am so brain dead I can't even think straight. Literally there are so many things I want to do when I go home, but just getting home it's been a trip itself, and seriously don't want to bother with anything.
I don't recall when was the last time I felt so exhausted inside out. Maybe when I was in school? Trying to juggle with my supervisor job at Mason St (school's equipment checkout) and dealing with stupid kids that keep breaking equipment on a regular basis, and find time traveling around throughout California, to photograph some nice projects for class. I guess same thing here, trying to balance work and my own shit. From experience and previous example I can manage fine with work but never my own personal things.
My family often says that whoever hire me is super lucky, because I am more concern about their work and totally take it as my own. My motto is "Other people will have priority over me." As if one day, if myself and my job fell into the water, I will save my job first. (Bad example, but you know what I mean). Totally not bragging about how responsible I am, but shit man! I gotta think what the hell I want to do. But what exactly I want to do? Too many things! But I guess first step is a short vacation and get the hell out of the city. Seriously been thinking about go camping. My initial thought was September, but hello?! It's September already, and doesn't look like I can get two days off at this point. Shall we try again in October before it gets too cold? If not, it'll be two months before the next holiday hits. And I better keep my fingers crossed that I don't have to work through it.
HAPPIER NOTE
Damien Rice fuckin' ROCK! The concert was so damn cool and it sound nothing like his CDs. Seriously this is the reason why you would want to go see a concert! Hearing something completely different from what you usually hear in a CD! The different arrangement and ways to perform the song. The different elements from the crowds that help produce and enhance how you play! The instant reaction of playing a B flat instead of a C chord to throw people off but still sound great! The lighting, the drums, the cello, the guitar, and the voice! It's been seriously awhile since I saw a concert that made me have goosebumps all over throughout the show. It was so exciting that I can't believe I was actually experiencing it. (I think I just made myself sound like a music geek, but shit who cares!) Anyway, how I wish that my brain has an internal hard drive where I can record the sound and sight that night. Seriously, if I do have that feature, you know that's one concert I'll be repeating it constantly!
Busy busy busy! What else i can say? Basically my life consist of work at the moment. Even though Von and I are doing things on a regular basis (i.e. concerts at the park, saw Feist and Damien Rice, going to see Les Mis, and Fall for Dance) fun activities. But damn it I am so burnt out! I am so brain dead I can't even think straight. Literally there are so many things I want to do when I go home, but just getting home it's been a trip itself, and seriously don't want to bother with anything.
I don't recall when was the last time I felt so exhausted inside out. Maybe when I was in school? Trying to juggle with my supervisor job at Mason St (school's equipment checkout) and dealing with stupid kids that keep breaking equipment on a regular basis, and find time traveling around throughout California, to photograph some nice projects for class. I guess same thing here, trying to balance work and my own shit. From experience and previous example I can manage fine with work but never my own personal things.
My family often says that whoever hire me is super lucky, because I am more concern about their work and totally take it as my own. My motto is "Other people will have priority over me." As if one day, if myself and my job fell into the water, I will save my job first. (Bad example, but you know what I mean). Totally not bragging about how responsible I am, but shit man! I gotta think what the hell I want to do. But what exactly I want to do? Too many things! But I guess first step is a short vacation and get the hell out of the city. Seriously been thinking about go camping. My initial thought was September, but hello?! It's September already, and doesn't look like I can get two days off at this point. Shall we try again in October before it gets too cold? If not, it'll be two months before the next holiday hits. And I better keep my fingers crossed that I don't have to work through it.
HAPPIER NOTE
Damien Rice fuckin' ROCK! The concert was so damn cool and it sound nothing like his CDs. Seriously this is the reason why you would want to go see a concert! Hearing something completely different from what you usually hear in a CD! The different arrangement and ways to perform the song. The different elements from the crowds that help produce and enhance how you play! The instant reaction of playing a B flat instead of a C chord to throw people off but still sound great! The lighting, the drums, the cello, the guitar, and the voice! It's been seriously awhile since I saw a concert that made me have goosebumps all over throughout the show. It was so exciting that I can't believe I was actually experiencing it. (I think I just made myself sound like a music geek, but shit who cares!) Anyway, how I wish that my brain has an internal hard drive where I can record the sound and sight that night. Seriously, if I do have that feature, you know that's one concert I'll be repeating it constantly!
20070908
SHE'S DEFINITELY NOT JOKING ABOUT PROPS SHOPPING
Von is putting together a shoot for her portfolio, and asked me to go shopping with her. She's definitely not joking about it. We were totally hauling glass jars and other things. Thank god I got a backpacking pack today to put some stuff. (Excuses for me to get a long waited pack:)). We still haven't gone to Home Depot to get PVC pipes yet. We shall continue next week.
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