SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO

"necessity is a great motivation." - ed

and because i don't feel the NEED for me to take picture, therefore, i'm not motivated. this is what happens when you are set in a comfort zone. i'm not exactly at the fork of the road, but i've been thinking a lot (or too much) lately about how/who/when/what to photograph to update my portfolio or put myself out as a photographer. maybe once again i put all the pressure upon myself, but i don't know how to get started to shoot.

went for an interview with a client to discuss about possible projects to photograph and showed my portfolio and archphoto portfolio. have already sent a cost proposal and thought everything was going well. talked to the client on the phone before i left for zurich and was all ready to start on it when i came back. but since i came back, have been leaving messages, but no phone call from him. finally was able to talk to him on the phone, and he said that he hasn't make a decision yet, as he talked to two other photographers. **POW**

i understand is a matter of practicing, trial and error for client meeting. but man! how i wish that my photoshop skills can apply to how i represent myself! i don't have to say anything and all i have to do it's just show before and after and say: "see i can do this." lack of confidence is always my weakness. maybe also because of the fact that i'm part of archphoto, but not exactly there at that level. the reputation is too big for me. i don't want to ruin it. thinking back and forth what i should do.

i definitely have no intention to go, but if i want to be a photographer and not afraid about ruin other people's reputation i might be better off starting from scratch. but can i do it, that's the question. do i really need to do it and is it necessary? it's just super bitter that this guy graduated the same time as me, and started to see his work on the web and magazine... *sigh*